


Paper butterflies

by chaichaiwu



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, carlesme au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaichaiwu/pseuds/chaichaiwu
Summary: This is a collection of carlesme au.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen
Kudos: 3





	1. Sleep Spray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> human au

Esme had a great fear of darkness. Her deepest fears had to do with it. Her ex-husband pinned her to the bed in the dark, bringing her excruciating agony and humiliation. In the darkest hours before sunrise, the breathing of her child slowed down then paused. No one heard her desperate scream in the dark, and no one cared.

Esme couldn’t recall how she had got through the worst days. All she remembered was lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, waking from one nightmare after another, and her pillow was soaked with tears.

It was Carlisle who lifted her from the dark abyss of sadness. In his arms, she found her home. She could finally sleep. Carlisle kept a small lamp for her so that she would always have a faint light when she woke up in the middle of the night. He would stroke her back when she shivered from bad dreams.

Esme had to learn to let him go. She told herself that there were patients who needed her newlywed husband more than she did. 

After another lingering kiss, Carlisle was pulled out of the door by Esme. “You're going to be late.” She adjusted his collar and kissed him on the cheek before pushed her toe down.

"I don't want to leave you alone." He tightened his arms and pressed his lips against the top of her head. He gently curled a strand of her hair around his finger.

"I'll be fine." She looked up at him with a brave smile.

"Remember to keep the light on." He smoothed her cheekbones with his thumb and left the house.

Later, Esme turned on the light and lay stiffly in her bed, unaccustomed to the cold, empty sheets. She tried to close her eyes, but the chaotic memories of the past filled her mind again. Did not want to face his empty pillow, she turned over. 

She missed his presence, so much. Even under the covers, she felt that her back was cold.

Then Esme saw Carlisle's T-shirt on the back of the chair. She picked it up. At first, she just wanted to smell what was left of him. She was addicted to his smell, a wonderful mixture of orange, cinnamon and pine. One minute later, she took off her pyjamas and pulled on his T-shirt. It was comfortable, just long enough to cover her hips. 

She switched to Carlisle's side. With his pillow, his clothes, and the quilt on his side, Esme felt she finally enveloped in his scent. 

The scent of a lover is so magical, it's her personal sleep spray. As if she were in his arms again, her strained nerves relaxed and she fell asleep.

Esme was still asleep when Carlisle got home. He smiled uncontrollably at the sight of all this. He brushed her tangled hair from her face and fondly stroked the back of her head like it was the most precious thing on earth. 

Esme woke up to find her husband sleeping on her side, facing her, with his hand in her palm.

She pulled the quilt over his shoulders and kissed his forehead.

"Welcome home," she whispered.


	2. A Sapphire Teardrop

“Dr Cullen, Baby Anderson needs to be examined before being discharged from the hospital.”

“Of course.” She took the forms and walked to the room at the end of the corridor. She carefully avoided the sunlight came in through the windows. The weather was lovely. After days of snowing came a clear blue sky. She knew she would have to stay in the hospital for another few hours.

“Come in,” said a voice inside the door. She smiled at the little noise the baby made.

“Good morning, Kayla.” She took her hand, warmed by handwarmers, out of her pocket. No one knew the secret she had hidden in her coat. She bent down to look at the newborn baby in the bassinet who was kicking his tiny legs.

“Good morning, Dr Cullen,” said the young mother, sitting on the edge of the bed and smiling. She was already dressed with a bag placed beside her. “I was informed that he needs one last check.”

“That’s right. You can take him home after I sign these forms.” She turned her head to look at the woman. A strand of hair had fallen from behind her ear.

“I’m worried.” whispered the young woman.“ You know, raising the child alone.”

“You’re going to be a wonderful mother. My dear. I remember we already discussed it. ” She finished the forms, put the pen back with care, and rest her hand on the woman’s shoulder and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. Then she helped the young woman with her bag and walked her to the lobby floor.

“Call me if you have any concern, no matter day or night.” She handed Kayla her card.

“Thank you, Dr Cullen.”

“Please call me Esme. You’re not my patient anymore.”

After waving goodbye, Esme shut herself in her office.

She took out her notebook, which was locked in the bottom drawer.

Dear Carlisle,

she moved her wrist, leaving behind a sapphire line. It was his favorite color of the ink, and it was also his pen in her hand. She had imagined a thousand times that sapphire must have been the color of his eyes when he was a human.

Kayla was discharged today with her baby. If you looked at the baby’s round eyes and his mouth, you would be amazed at how similar they are to his mother’s.

The skies finally cleared. It’s even bluer than the sky on Isle Esme. I’ll probably stay here for a few more hours due to the weather. But with Rose and Emmett at home, Nessie won’t be alone when she gets back after class.

The faces of her dear family showed before her eyes. As the faces of her lost family flashed into her mind, she shivered.

She thought of his face again, the face she had touched with gentleness and kissed with passion. A stray lock of golden hair on his forehead always made her giggle with itchiness when he kissed her.

As she thought of his golden eyes, gentle and full of love, she leaned back in her chair and pressed her fist to her heart.

It has been more than a decade, the pain of losing a loved one is still unbearably painful.

After the fight, the Volturi had lost their power and fell apart, her family was halved, and she lost her beloved forever.

Esme didn’t count how much time she spent screaming and crying. She was so afraid to step into their bedroom, his office, or any place that his smell lingered.

She lay in the snow. So many times, she had thought about lighting a fire, and then walking into it and embracing the death which supposed to be her fate. But she heard Carlisle’s voice telling her to go home and live for him, for Leah and the rest of the family. Stick to the vampirism he created and retain his most cherished legacy, humanity.

She did.

She was never the one who has strong self-control for bloodlust in the family. However, after ten years of struggle and studying, she finally became a doctor like Carlisle was. None of her family could understand her decision. But she just stubbornly wanted to be close to him, to be like him. She couldn’t think of a better way to carry on his legacy other than pursuing the same career.

She picked up the pen and continued,

Carlisle, I just saw a fluffy sparrow jumping outside my window. Do you remember the clumsy fat sparrow that accidentally hit your face?

She tilted her head and chuckled.

Esme stopped again, touched her fingers. She still kept her wedding ring. It was when they were walking holding each other’s hands in the park that Carlisle was hit by a sparrow.

She remembered his hand. They were warmer than hers, his knuckles were big, and when his much larger hands wrapped around hers, she felt more secure and contented than ever…

She loved his hands, his warm, life-saving hands. Now her hands are just like that.

My dear Carlisle, I miss you so much.

She paused at the end of the sentence. The sapphire ink socked the paper as if a blue teardrop had fallen on it.


	3. Portrait of Blue Lady

It's her.

It's definitely her.

Carlisle had not expected to see her again. He didn't expect to see her in this way.

That inconspicuous picture in the corner was dimed by the giant oil paintings of other, bright exotic scenery. On a blue-purple mottled background was a young woman’s self-portrait, Esme's self-portrait.

"This isn’t right. This isn’t right." Carlisle kept whispering the words like being enchanted.

When he saw the painting at the first glance, he realized that what was different from his memory.

It was not that the last trace of the girlish chubbiness on her heart-shaped face had faded with age. It was not that her curls that once spread on her shoulders had been pinned back, leaving a few strands around her cheek. It was not that her small, full lips had become paler. 

It was that there was no light in her big, round eyes, the light he had been longing for more than a hundred years.

Carlisle tried to blame this on the distortion of the portrait, like the way he consoled himself countless times over the last hundred years.

I had no choice but to leave her. Only by leaving her can she live a normal life.

Every time he thought of her, he said those words to himself again and locked himself inside the house until he convinced himself again that he shouldn’t try to find her, that he had decided for the best.

More than a hundred years ago, Carlisle was madly infatuated with the human girl he had met only once. The sound of her voice, her smile, the smell of her blood attracted him. Like some kind of magic, she saw his loneliness and his soul.

It was the first time that Carlisle had run away from a human being in such a panic. 

He was ashamed of his infatuation with an underage girl. For the first time, Carlisle lost faith in his self-control. He could not bear the one in a hundred possibility of a terrible outcome.

He told himself that the girl would be safe, that she could live a peaceful life, that she could find a job as a teacher, that she could have a loving family. He told himself that she was not the one destined for him, that one day he would meet a vampire who shared his beliefs, and that one day he would forget the human girl.

But after a hundred years of roving and wandering, he was still as lonely as the day he left her. 

The memories of her turned from sweet to bitter to tormenting.

Even knowing Esme was no longer alive, Carlisle still managed to track down the donor of the portrait. He just wanted to know some bits and pieces of her life. More importantly, he selfishly wanted to make sure that he had made the right choice.

"…Then she left her husband and went to stay with my grandparents with her unborn child for shelter...She chose to end her own life after losing her child. Sorry, that's all my grandfather told me. And I totally accept your offer."

So he took her home.

As he held the picture tightly to his chest and roared, he finally realized that the feeling was love.

But he had already lost her forever.


End file.
